The McSuicide Experiment Day 16

Do you know how hard it is to stick to vegetarian?

Like Jenny’s ability to stick to Forrest.
Probably because they can’t even use elephant glue.
I’ve fallen to bacon twice and chicken once. They weren’t even humanely treated.

Primary Mental Bludgering:

Mainly it’s hard to feel full while only eating veggies. Redirecting mentally to accept they can actually satisfy that hunger demon scratching away at my sanity is a challenge all on it’s own. Secondary challenge is prancing into a store and not knowing what all in it is eatable while my legs dance over to bacon and wine brined meats as it knows they can fill me for hours and love to linger for mind cuddles.
Also first world starvation mode doesn’t listen very well to limits.
Of course veggies and fruits are on the mouth menu but as a person that now finds all fruit but berries too sweet there’s moreso one crate of things I can imagine and want for consumption according to this diet phase.

That just looks sad. Even at Trader Joe’s.
Mental Living Dreary Gets Temporary Umbrella:
On the happy side of things  I get to be in Austin a couple of days and it tends to lead into bliss moments of thoughts and future feelings of excitement/potential life swings. Swings that spin gently and involve sippy cups of wine and bounce to dubstep.
Lubbock has this way of draining your soul and dripping it into the undrinkable/unenterable water. I’ve heard tales of mermaids turning orc if they go swimming in the “lake”. Nature there actually looks wrong. It might be a huge skew to the study, but repetition of this study is already future planned in my mind reservoir so that can hopefully eventually be an abstract factor.

Analysis of Mind in First World Starvation Mode:
The times where my mind and body were running on veggies was kind for about four hours but then led to starvation mode. As a 106 pound human my body doesn’t have much to tap into food wise and winds up poking ferociously at my existence to feed it right then or reap the mental nomming. Unfortunately I didn’t plan for this feeling due to no longer being used to it. Before keto I knew how to handle it but the longer you go without hunger the less you can deal with it when you face it again

Oddly enough…okay more like usually enough, the same thing happened with sugar and chip eating. You gain control over food in ketosis to the point it feels natural so when you have a bite of sugar or sneak into bread that control is no longer a daily unconscious build up but is now consuming. That build up control has left and you feel what it is like to be controlled by food again with no control of your own. It’s actually pretty scary and awakening to what these foods can do to you.
Here’s what happened on food deprivation:

11:14 AM

Sugar seems to cause the most negative mental reaction to the point of disliking living and mustering through it

11:17 AM

Social interaction less desired…primal tinkerings? Related to idea of not progressing society…mind interferes and primaly secludes you from reproduction means?

3:26 PM

Hard to comprehend time or plan. Just go go go. Worrisome degree. Also could be due to cold or coffee or bread..
Switched to warmer room and feel mostly the same but with tiny mind sign otherwise still hard to function or process moment/present or gauge time for even work. Relying on old time frames rather than having ability to slow down and process time anew.

3:27

ADHD levels high

3:28

Hands currently not sweaty but were directly after coffee intake (caffeine overdose simpered off? How long does it take to fully leave the mind?)

3:30 PM

True inability to remember where car is parked. Immediate inconsolable fear but from awareness / higher knowledge knowings.
Truly believed it wasn’t where I parked it, calmed with higher. It was where higher thinking knew it was.
Seeing it calmed primal/base with no effect on higher but for wisdom slash motherly feeling at being right with worry tinges for self

3:40 PM

Want to be depressed and just go home in primal seclusion in fetal. Able to prevent with thoughts of work and have gotten through before with ink splotches of power over it but still feel misery and don’t believe it will be relieved, merely ignored.

3:40

Complete distaste for future

3:41

Hard to believe could ever feel different

3:42

Grandiose thoughts. Considered self mother or goddess of neuropshychology (potentially) minutes before.
Such thoughts being felt untrue  led to negative spiral?
Yesterday I got pretty angry in road rage at people cutting me off on the drive to Austin or making stupid life risk mistakes in giant machines. It was mild so I kept existing without eating to see what all would happen.
Basically I just got more road ragey and craved kale. It was hard to qualm the anger but seeing a dear friend was like hugging the beast and turning it to a loving Mufasa.Then we ate meat and there’s carne asada in my future so today is just happy. I’ll return to vegetarian soon but this is the time to enjoy life…with meat inside. it.

 

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